Parishioners are crying out for empathy and kindness

Below is this week's Independent News and Media's Irish regional newspaper column.

INM regional newspapers are sold in Dublin, Wicklow, Wexford, Louth, Meath, Kerry, Cork, Sligo and Kildare.

It so happens, in this week's Wexford People, the column appears on the business page.

By Michael Commane
Last Tuesday week I concelebrated at the funeral Mass of a brother of a friend of mine in the parish church in Listowel in Co Kerry. The parish priest Fr Declan O’Connor could not have been kinder. He received me with open arms. I felt relaxed and at home and I found the Mass a prayerful and meditative experience. Indeed coming away from Listowel that day I was thinking that the Irish traditional funeral, including the Requiem Mass, is something well worth cherishing and protecting.

When a funeral Mass is done well it can be a most wonderful and uplifting experience. I hope I am not showing any disrespect to the bereaved by making such a statement.

The reception I received in Listowel set me thinking about the role of a priest working in his parish and his relationship with the people to whom he ministers and their relationship with him.
For many people their understanding of the church, their link with the sacramental life of the church is closely tied in with how they interact with their priest.

If a priest is a kind and sympathetic man, someone who is willing to listen and understand, then it is most likely that his parishioners will be interested in their faith, maybe even upbeat about what it means to be a Christian.

Of course nothing is simple and not for a moment am I saying that people leave the church or stay in the church because of their local priest(s). But it does help when the priest is a ‘normal sort of person’.

So what happens when the local priest is not interested in his job? What happens when the man is burnt out? What happens if he is simply a pain in the neck? What happens if he is rude and arrogant and incapable of showing a shred of empathy or understanding to parishioners?

Certainly the issue of awkward, pain-in-the-neck priests, men who are downright rude is a real problem for bishops. What to do?

And it appears there is a problem in this area in Canon Law as a parish priest has extraordinary ‘power’ in his own parish. Unless he has crossed that red line he can almost do as he likes and there is little or nothing his local bishop can do.

It seems to me there is an urgent need for some sort of dialogue to begin between priests, bishop and people as to how priests are appointed to parishes. In some ways it seems bizarre that parishioners have no say whatsoever in the appointment of their pp. It’s crazy enough that priests and people have no say in the appointment of bishops but that there is such a centralised way in appointing priests to parishes seems to be very odd and not at all in keeping with the idea of a Christian communion living out the mission of the Gospel.

Our churches are emptying. We are often told it is because of secularism, ‘paganism’, people turning from God.

When last in your parish did someone have the courage or possibility to tell her or his priest that they disagreed with what they were saying or doing. Instead, people put up with so much nonsense and arrogance and then eventually they realise they have had enough of this incredible stupidity and arrogance and walk with their feet.

It’s staring us in the face that it could be so different.