At times forgiveness appears a near impossible task

The Thinking Anew column in The Irish Times today.

Michael Commane

There is much discussion at present about the age of leaders. Joe Biden is 80, Mitch McConnell is 81. Donald Trump is 77, Vladimir Putin will be 71 next month, Pope Francis is 86 and our president is 82.

 

Isn’t it often said that wisdom comes with age? Don’t we all have to pause sometimes  at the  understanding shown to us by our parents, the patience they had to summon up to deal with our younger selves and our hare-brained ideas and actions? I wince when I recall some of things I said and did to my parents. A day never passes when I don’t think of their love and wisdom.

The playwright George Bernard Shaw gives us a little insight into the whole mystery of age, young and old, when he says that youth is wasted on the young.

 

Certainly the older I get, the more I realise that every single person is different,  and it is well-nigh impossible to understand fully another person. One thing is sure, we can never get inside the head of another person, no matter how close we are to them. 

And there is an extraordinary mystery about that. It is beyond fascinating. There is a temptation in all of us to think that we can second-guess another person. 

Every individual is unique. So often we expect other people to think as we do. Life is far more nuanced and complicated than that.

In tomorrow’s Gospel (Matthew 18: 15 - 20) Jesus tells that lovely story about the importance of forgiveness. But in order for it to work we have to talk with our opponent, listen to what is said and then if that does not work get the community involved and try to work it out among ourselves. Listening is at the heart of  it. So too is trying to understand the other person.

For such a process to work there can be no agendas, no predispositions. Jesus goes on to say: “Where two or three meet in my name, I shall be there with them.” And yes, that’s what one might call a leap of faith.  

As Christians we believe there is a power, a spirit beyond us, an all-knowing God, who knows the inner thoughts of the other person.

We might like to deny it but isn’t so much about our world based on stereotype? We talk about individual thinking, personal freedom. 

That’s all fine but only if it’s within our neat parameters. On the one hand we seem to extol individual freedom yet on the other hand there is that constant drive to get us all thinking in a similar vein. In many ways, isn’t that what fashion is about?

Someone who thinks outside the box is considered a maverick. Usually the person who disagrees with us is “wrong” or seen as difficult.

The Christian will say God, whose  being,  beauty, goodness, truth and love, set  the standard to which we aspire . But even then, it’s far too easy to utter words about God that fail to match the reality we imperfectly understand.

 

When we get glimpses of love and truth, goodness and beauty,  somehow, we are on the path to God, and to a better understanding of our fellow human beings. At times forgiveness appears a near impossible task.

 

In the second reading in tomorrow’s liturgy (Romans 13: 8 - 10) St Paul tells us love is the one thing that cannot hurt our neighbour.

Growing old is a process  and so too is wisdom and belief in God. Neither youth nor age is the problem.  Listening to each other helps to smooth  the way.

Ageing is no guarantee of wisdom but we all know people of great age who communicate an extraordinary sense of wisdom and love. Think of the wisdom and love grandparents show their grandchildren.

The Austrian poet Rainer Maria Rilke (1875 - 1926) writes: “The kings of the world are old and feeble./They bring forth no heirs./Their sons are dying before they are men,/and their pale daughters/abandon themselves to the brokers of violence.”

Love transcends youth and age and my prayer is that I believe in God, an all-knowing God, an all-loving and merciful God, with whom I can have a real and living relationship.