The bond of all companionship is conversation

This week’s INM/Mediahuis Irish regional newspapers’ column

Michael Commane

I’m beginning to think that it’s time for me to make a definitive decision not to marry.

Though when I read about octogenarian Mick O’Dwyer of Kerry footballing fame tying the knot and saw a picture of US astronaut Buzz Aldrin in his 90s with his newly-wed wife, it did cross my mind it’s never too late.

When I moan and groan that I’ve never been married, most times people assure me that I have chosen the better path. I’m never sure if they are telling me the truth. In this column last week I wrote about what I thought of Martin McDonagh’s film The Banshees of Inisherin. And since seeing the film my mind has gone on a journey, thinking about all the different types of friendships, the myriad relationships we form with one another.

I often think had I married and the marriage had broken down I would have found the ensuing turmoil almost impossible to bear. I’ve no idea how people deal with such upset in their lives. It’s another sign of how resilient we human beings are. 

Has it ever dawned on you how accidentally friendships are formed or begin? How young people meet someone, fall in love, live together, get married and then stay together for the rest of their lives. 

I’m not married but I can imagine it must be one of the great miracles of our lives how people set up home and build great friendships with one another. It certainly must involve making many compromises. Marriage can’t be for the selfish.

When it works it must really be a dream come true and then the flip side of the coin, when it doesn’t work it must be close to hell on earth. What at all must it be like when people simply get bored with each other? What happens when people grow to dislike their partners? It must be a minefield.

I often ask myself how is it possible for young people to make lifelong commitments to stay with someone for the rest of their lives. I suppose that’s the beauty and wonder of nature. Also, I’m inclined to ask how can young people make lifelong commitments to be celibate, certainly there is nothing natural about that. 

Of course celibacy has its success stories, but no doubt it has caused harm and turmoil too.

In the same breath, what must be the toll on the person who lives with someone they no longer like?

There is no instruction manual for a fulfilling lifestyle. I was at a wedding before Christmas where I heard the father of the groom say there is no template for a happy married life, and guess what, it was the best wedding speech I ever heard. Short too.

Isn’t it really spectacular the changes that have taken place in the last say 50 years and how society has developed mechanisms to cope with the difficulties people experience.

The Banshees of Inisherin must have cast some sort of spell on me. Not at all, I’ve been thinking along these lines for most of my adult life.

Wise words from Oscar Wilde: ‘The bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.’