Neglect never ever works

This piece appears in this week's INM regional newspapers in Ireland.

By Michael Commane
Most of us have experienced the pain of a bad toothache; how awful it can
be.

Neglect your teeth and as sure as day follows night, will come terrible
pain: gum, eye, ear, the face itself. The only cure? Go to the dentist. In
future? Lesson learned. Look after those teeth.

The London riots and much of the subsequent commentary reminded me of the
toothache-and-the-dentist analogy. Neglect at your peril.

Anything that is neglected runs riot on us. In this case, literally. But
when it is our fellow human beings who are, themselves, neglected anything
is liable to happen.

Yes, the rioters in the UK behaved as thugs. Of course, goodness and badness
exist. But, surely, we as responsible human beings can play that vital role
in making sure that people feel cherished, respected. And yes, loved. In our
imperfect world, surely we can see to it that goodness gets its chance to
prevail?

Tomorrow, visit any maternity hospital in Ireland. Call on the new mothers.
Examine their charts, check their backgrounds, lifestyles. Immediately, the
odds would be clear on what their new sons or daughters would be doing 20
years from now.

Of course there is freedom and individual choice and responsibility but our
environment and background play an enormous role in shaping us. Our families
and schools can make or break us.

It is not a question of throwing money at people but one of treating them
with respect and dignity. That is the message of the Gospel. Love one
another. It’s a difficult message with clear opportunity.

Brute force, curfews, zero tolerance and more time in more prisons will
never ever solve the problem. They are the reflex response. The quick fix
demanded and provided. But they are simply a response. They are not a
solution.

On Saturday I had my own brush with this zero-tolerance mindset when I
called to a Dominican friend. We had planned to have lunch together after
Mass, but a young woman called and asked him for help. He responded
immediately. Feeding her, listening to her, driving her to a hostel. On the
way, he discovered his mobile phone was missing. He asked her if she had
seen it to which she replied, no.

Later I sent a text to the phone. Within minutes a man called back: he had
the phone and would return it. Relief. All contacts saved! A few minutes
later I met him on the street accompanied by the young woman and another
woman. The only chance of getting the phone back? I had to pay.
Unwillingly, I called my friend, the phone owner, to the scene. After some
negotiation, 20 euro secured the return of the phone.

It was a real rollercoaster of kindness, nastiness, apparent sorrow,
conniving and deviousness. But it’s life. And by the looks of it, those
three were experiencing a tough life. It was certain they had not been to
school at Clongowes or Glenstal. They had probably left school at 12 or 13.
Even if I had had the urge to use a ‘different approach’ with them it would
have served no purpose. The damage had long been done.

Interestingly, that same week, a friend left his phone in an exclusive cafe.
A haven for what my friend, a mother herself, calls the Yummier Mummies. He
tried the number. The phone was answered by a well-spoken woman. Again
relief! Yes, of course, he could have it back. Just meet her in
such-and-such a car-park. But there was the little matter of 50 euro. Phone
and cash exchanged. She drove off in her jeep. Greed and opportunism. Pure
and simple. Here, every privilege. No excuse.

Neglect. As sure as there is a sky over us, those three sad people I met
have never experienced the nurturing, the love, the respect that we human
beings deserve. And because they have not, we are all - and will be - the
less for it.