The wonder and mystery of friendship

The Thinking Anew column in The Irish Times today.

Michael Commane 

When two colleagues asked me in early February what I was doing for Lent I was taken aback, indeed, surprised. Before I had time to reply, they told me they were going to put a kernel of a popcorn in their shoe. 

I still don’t know if they were being serious. Perhaps they were testing me? Checking if I knew the song from  the musical  Godspell: “Let me skip the road with you/I can dare myself/I can dare myself/ I'll put a pebble in my shoe/ And watch me walk.”

Over the years I’ve done the ‘usuals’ but in recent times I’m not sure if I’ve done something or given up anything. Lent provides a good opportunity to live our faith in practical ways, for people to stop smoking or drinking alcohol. In the past large numbers attended church services during the 40 days of Lent.

It’s a fortnight since I saw The Banshees of Inisherin and there are themes of the film still racing through my head, but one idea stands out, and it is that of friendship.

Friendship is an extraordinary phenomenon. I’m not sure that’s the best  word to use. Is there any word that can pin down friendship? There are myriad friendships. Think about it, friendship is essential to our lives. And most times it begins in the most accidental of ways. 

Friendship can bring great delights into our lives, but it also can bring us down the road of profound darkness and sadness. When friendship works it is truly extraordinary.

 

We can so easily say that God loves us. Honestly, I have little or no understanding of the word God. I have at last got the courage to say exactly that. I often hear the word being used. 

Just as there is an underlying mystery in all friendships so too is there a mystery about our relationship with God. Christians believe that Jesus Christ is God and one of the important features of the man God Jesus is his sense of kindness and friendship with those with whom he is associated. 

To use the word mystery yet again, one of the great mysteries of Christianity is the idea of the Trinity, three persons in one God. What at all is it about? 

Here’s an idea: it  hints to us how union can lead to such perfection that there is a oneness about it. 

Communion is a big word in the Christian vocabulary. Holy Communion is at the centre of our faith. It is about our being in union with one another and with God, and our lives are leading us to perfect union.

Sometimes we need to pause and think about what we are doing. I’m surprised by how we, especially in Ireland, make the Sign of the Cross, or bless ourselves as we say.  Too often, the words are mumbled, and the action is done with a quick move of the hand. Why do we treat such an important prayer as ‘In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit’ so casually, when it is at the centre of our faith? It is a statement of the perfection of God, a perfection beyond our understanding. One slight insight into that idea is our belief that the union of the three persons is so perfect it forms one being.

I’ve decided this Lent, whatever about putting a popcorn kernel into my shoe, to spend more time thinking and maybe even praying about the mystery and wonder of friendship that finds its perfection in God. Having said that, I greatly admire my work colleagues for their selflessness, indeed, I see the living spirit of God every day in the people with whom I have the good fortune to work. For me, pausing to recognise what friendship truly means may be enough for my Lent 2023. 

Martin McDonagh’s The Banshees of Inisherin has reminded me of the wonder and mystery of friendship, the sadness and darkness of it too. But also, how ultimately it can lead us to God.

Tomorrow’s Gospel (Matthew 4: 1- 11) is more of the story about the dark side of friendship, what happens friendship when it breaks down. The story of good and evil?