'A kind look is essential'

This week's Independent News & Media Irish Regional newspapers' column.

Michael Commane

Tuesday, March 6 was the anniversary of the death of Dominican priest Michael Heuston. He died in Rome in 1984.

Fr Michael was the brother of Sean Heuston of 1916 fame.

Michael was a genius, a fine mathematician and a writer. He carried out an extensive study of the famous mosaic in the Dominican church at San Clemente in Rome and subsequently wrote on the topic.

He was an eccentric person, who had difficulty living in community. He may well have been a man ahead of his time. In the latter part of his life he came to live at the Dominican Priory at San Clemente, where his prior, Fr Luke Dempsey, was extremely kind to him. The goodness and benevolence of Luke towards Michael transformed him into the happiest of people. I know. I saw it with my own eyes. The charity of one man changed Michael Heuston's life for the good.

Every day in my job as a hospital chaplain I experience extraordinary acts of kindness. The people who perform such acts probably are not aware of what they are doing but to see it in action is a life-changing experience.

It must be over a year ago since I spotted three men regularly visit a patient. They knew him through football. They were the only visitors the man had but between the three of them the patient had a visit almost every day of the week. I got to know them. It didn't take long to realise they were good people. 

A year has passed and only last week I learned they are still visiting that man, who has now moved to a hospice. They have left an indelible mark on me.

It's striking how the kindness/goodness of just one or two people can lift the atmosphere of an entire group of people. When a small number of patients and staff are genuinely kind and caring it simply spreads its wings around the place. It lifts the tone.

There is a Latin saying which goes 'bonum est diffusivum sui, which means that goodness of its nature spreads itself about. A smile, a supportive word, a compliment, go along way in making the world a better place.

Papal writings are never easy documents to read. They're certainly not bedtime reading. I recommend you read Pope Francis' 'The Joy of Love', known in Latin as 'Amoris Laetitia'.

It's a gem and written in a language and tone that makes it so readable. Even if you buy it just to read chapter four it's money well spent.

Listen to this from Pope Francis: 'To be open to a genuine encounter with others, 'a kind look' is essential. This is incompatible with a negative attitude that readily points out other people's shortcomings while overlooking one's own. A kind look helps us to see beyond our own limitations, to be patient and to cooperate with others, despite our differences.'

Elsewhere Francis writes: 'Love abhors making others suffer.'

Some weeks ago I got to know a patient. At first I thought he was distant and did not want to engage. We got to know each other. I learned so much from listening to him. Smiling and joking with him.

So often, just on a whim, a superficial glance, we can make judgements on people. For everyone's sake and for our own too it makes far more sense to begin with a smile and a friendly word. That way we might well see far more good than bad.

'Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.' Mark Twain