Why run to Rome when they can talk to me directly?

This week's column in The Kerryman newspaper.

Michael Commane

“There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”

Those words from Oscar Wilde gave me some comfort in recent days. So often the man was on the button in how he could express the real and inner feelings of people. He was  never afraid to speak his mind. 

In response to my column here last week about how we communicate with one another a reader replied: ‘I liked your article which shows the quality of our ability to communicate. I’m certainly a concoction; how about the private me, the public me, and on and on, ad infinitum.’

What wise words. There are so many aspects and corners to all of us but at the end of the day we all need refuge somehow or somewhere to express the real me. Maybe I idealise marriage/partnership and think that’s where perfect communication happens. But of course that’s pie-in-the-sky imagining on my part.

The reason why I quoted Oscar Wilde at the beginning of this column is because I discovered a reader wrote to Rome about my missives. She/he feels I’m too critical of the church.

They have every right to complain, criticise, chastise me, I have absolutely no problem with that. But for heaven’s sake why would they not first contact me, write to me, write a comment on my blog, phone or talk to me face-to-face about the issue.

And this example is in so many ways the very point I mentioned in last week’s column.

Some years ago a priest of the Kerry diocese wrote a letter to this newspaper complaining about something I had written. It was not a nice letter, indeed, it was an edited version that appeared in print. He also wrote to my provincial. He knows me I know him; would the sensible and appropriate action not have been to have contacted me directly? Had we had a discussion over a cup of coffee it would have made far more sense, at least to my way of thinking. 

But it seems that’s not the way many in the Catholic Church behave. It’s cloak and dagger stuff. But of course it’s not exclusive to the church, that carryon goes on across the board. But I would imagine an organisation that preaches so much about truth, kindness and goodness would have higher standards. 

And that sort of behaviour is so far removed from the synodality that Pope Francis began and Pope Leo is intent on continuing.

Pope Leo in his encyclical Human Magnificence keeps stressing the importance of how we need to respect one another. If we are to respect each other then we have to speak to one another openly and honestly. 

And may I assure  you I can give you first-hand examples, of how poor the church is in behaving openly and honestly. I hope some day to be able to relate on these pages an example or two.

In the meantime it would be great to hear directly from readers, who wish to criticise what I write, rather than running to Rome. Honestly, I’de love to chat with them, and hopefully learn from them too.