Be gentler criticising others

I read about a case in the Dublin District Court where a 10-year-old boy was awarded €7,000 over a traffic accident.

He was sitting in the back seat of the car his father was driving when it was struck by another car on the side the little boy was sitting on.

The boy suffered no physical damage but did incur temporary psychological injuries, including a fear of travelling by car. He was also afraid that the driver of the other car ‘would come and harm him’.

He attended a child psychologist over a 10-month period during which time he still experienced symptoms. Fortunately they have since abated.

Judge Marie Quirke acknowledging that the injuries were predominately psychological said, ‘there was no guidance from the book of guidance’.

Those words left me thinking.

Some days earlier I was talking to a friend. She had just put her young daughter to bed and I could hear the little girl crying. She really sounded hysterical. 

The family had been out visiting and their daughter had left her teddybear behind her and was now missing him in bed. She never went to bed without taking teddybear Patrick with her.

As I heard the child cry my first thoughts were that this was ridiculous to get so upset about missing a teddybear, but with my thinking cap on, I began to empathise with the little girl. Indeed, I moved to a position where I really felt upset for her. When she calmed down she spoke to me on the phone and we ended up making an agreement that the next time we meet she would give me one of her older teddybears.

We never know what’s going on in the mind of another person. I don’t have any children so I do not have the remotest idea why children behave as they do. I can imagine mothers and fathers learn how to adapt to children. They learn from their children and obviously children learn from their parents. 

They gradually learn all about the tell-tale signs and then over the years become proficient and skilled at rearing their children. I can imagine it’s a lifelong process, with ups and downs, successes and failures. But isn’t that the way of the world with everything.

I’m wondering how often do we judge other people according to how our mind is working at that particular moment? How often to we judge others according to our own standards?

I’ve been watching some of Trump’s rallies on YouTube and as the crowds roar and scream in support of him I’m asking myself how could they be so influenced to react in such a way to this charlatan. But I have no idea of their state of mind, what they think, what they feel, what they may have suffered.

Maybe we should all go more gently when we criticise other people. Do we ever think of asking them why they behave as they do? I know, I for one, need to be far more tolerant in my attempt at understanding other people.

My little friend’s father went back for the teddybear that night, so that his daughter could have him beside her.

A nice touch.