How free are we to make individual choices?

This week's INM Irish regional newspapers' column

Michael Commane

Clinical psychologist David Coleman often appears on radio and television discussing human behaviour.

Last Monday week he was on RTE Radio 1's 'Today with Sean O'Rourke' talking about the dynamics of family life and how best to interact with children in their early and formative years.

One man emailed in that his wife was domineering, constantly belittling him and shouting at the children. He wanted to know would it be better for the family if the couple divorced. David Coleman wisely commented that it would be impossible to give advice in such a case not knowing the specific details.

What makes us who we are? In an interview in 'The Sunday Business Post' writer John Banville said that we are remaking ourselves at every moment and that we have no singular identity.

It certainly is an intriguing question. Why are some people gentle and kind and others violent and nasty?

Did you ever stand on a busy street, look at the throng of people and realise every single person on that street is different? We never know exactly what goes on inside another person's head. Nor do we know why they behave as they do. Can we give a full and authoritative explanation for all our own behaviour?

With the development of modern psychology emphasis has been placed on the role our environment plays in our lives.

These days I often find myself doing things exactly as my father did, things that he did that even annoyed me.

What do the Jesuits say? "Give me the child for the first seven years and I'll give you the man."

Our parents mould and shape us. We are social animals so we are constantly being shaped by our surrounds and no doubt that happens especially in our early formative years.

But surely we can't blame all our woes on our parents and how they reared us. Nor can all our successes be the result of their behaviour.

How free are we to make our own individual choices?

Yes, exceptional people in exceptional circumstances on occasions manage to break away from their milieu. And then there are those who have been born with a silver spoon who end up on the street.

But they are the exceptions.

It would seem we more or less stay in our comfort zone and occupy the space we know best. But what at all is it that kicks the whole operation into action?

David Coleman places great stress on the roles our parents play in our lives and it would seem he is talking great sense. But then how come siblings can be so different.

Christian theology says that all goodness comes from God, it is a gift we don't earn.

With a fall-off in religious practice more people tend to turn to counselling to guide them towards healthy and meaningful living.

Illnesses such as bi-polarity and schizophrenia are medical conditions where medication can greatly help the stricken person.

But nastiness and pure badness? What makes people behave in such a manner?

What makes people hate? Has it something to do with childhood? Has there to be a reason for all our behaviour?

In that same artice in 'The Sunday Business Post, Banville quotes the novelist Samuel Butler who wrote: Every evening I fall to my knees and I offer up thanks to the good Lord for letting me get through the day without being found out." A cynical approach? Maybe not at all.

The way of the world? People talk about the mystery of God. Maybe better to talk about the mystery of life? Who knows.